Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think my moral compass just broke
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