Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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