How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So many bounce houses so little time
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Your cock deserves a montage
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
