Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
