Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
