Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize