His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
pray to the hookup gods
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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