Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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