I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
