people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
