Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
