I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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