did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
