STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
