I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
