considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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