'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
