It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
