Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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