summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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