I think my vagina is haunted
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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