she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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