WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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