Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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