he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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