I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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