did you get engaged???
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
