please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
