just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
