it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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