I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize