drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
