OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
