I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize