I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
