i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
