walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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