My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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