I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
