Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
