Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
