We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize