All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
