i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There's always time for handjobs
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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