I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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