Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
