Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
