So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
