have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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