she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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