She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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