I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize