i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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