Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
