You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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