i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
