So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
