i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
