I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
