She just used a chaser for red wine.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
