mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
