He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
