Just fell off a train. Bad.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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