Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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