my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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