hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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