I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
