but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
