we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize