You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
