I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
