She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
