You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
