I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
