the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
