i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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