Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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