I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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