My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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