Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
no you cant smoke seaweed
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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