Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
