You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
