You work out of a Hotel?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
