I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize