his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
