The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
