He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You need a sexual gate keeper
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize