so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
