I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
