Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
