dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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