there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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