So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
