she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
