I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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