I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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